It hurts doesn’t it? Discovering a back stabber in your own backyard…
The moment you find out that the pedestal you placed your friend or family member on was far too high and they’ve fallen off.
It can be disheartening and lead you to do and say things you normally wouldn’t.
You know that others experience back stabbing or betrayal, but for some reason you thought it could never happen to you.
But here we are…
Maybe you’ve experienced a time when you found out that someone close to you was privately shaming you, but there was never any evidence of their negative feelings when you saw them or even when you interacted with them on social media.
Perhaps you’ve been told you were someone’s “one and only” but then found out in the worse way that the lie detector test determined that was a lie (Maury Voice)!
Maybe you’ve been the back stabber at one point. I mean none of us are perfect and we’re certainly not immune to making such errors in judgement.
The easy thing to do is to act out of anger and stab them back. It’s way easier to shame them or embarrass them publicly. What’s hard is finding out about the betrayal and then moving and acting from a place of love.
A true test if there ever was one!
You can watch my video: When They Publicly Praise & Privately Shame HERE.
3 Realizations About a Back Stabber Who Talks Shit About You
People say those who talk shit are haters or they’re jealous. They say they’re mean, evil, and vindictive. That person is fake and untrustworthy. While all of these things may be true to some extent when it comes to strangers talking shit about us, we may have to consider a different explanation when that shit talk is coming from someone we know and trust. The explanations above are designed to make us feel better, but I think the issue runs far deeper than jealousy.
- I believe if you are doing something positive with your life and you’re not harming anyone and someone finds the time to criticize you for what you’re doing that has 100% to do with them and absolutely nothing to do with you. Imagine how deeply insecure they must be?
- Happy people don’t spend their time talking negatively about other happy people. Imagine how grossly unhappy one has to be to back stab someone they are supposed to care about?
- Being understanding and empathetic to the fact that their betrayal has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, can put you in a position to move and act from a place of love as opposed to hate or anger.
With those realizations in mind, the question is how can we preserve our energy and emotional well-being when dealing with a back stabber we know personally?
2 Unconventional Ways to Deal With a Back Stabber and Shit Talker
It’s simple, most people will either curse the person out, cut them off completely, shame them to others, or silently hold a grudge. All of these reactions bleed you dry of energy and they actually induce stress and sadness.
If you want to maintain your mental and emotional strength, do these two things instead:
1. Shower that person with love!
Hear me out. I know this sounds crazy, but there can be real power in treating someone who has wronged you with love and empathy. It shifts the energy. You will feel lighter and better. They will more than likely feel bad for betraying you for no reason, and the result is you walk away with your emotional and mental fortitude intact. You can also do this from a distance. There’s no need to go out of your way to be in this person’s presence. Just make sure that all your interactions, whether virtual or in-person, are from a place of love.
2. Obviously you hear about this person’s betrayal from a third party so one way you can flip the narrative and the mood is by responding to the messenger with something positive about the person they claimed wronged you.
I know, I know! This is not natural and you’d have to really practice this, but think about how that small act could shift the entire situation. You can use it to steer the conversation into a different direction.
Example: “Girl, I don’t even know if I should tell you this, but Sarah was talking shit about your business and saying how no one in their right mind will come to that event you’re throwing.”
Your response: “Really? I thought she thought it was a great idea for an event. She’s really great at marketing. Maybe she thinks I’m missing something. I should ask her what I need to do to get people interested in attending my event.”
And just like that you’ve changed what could have been a very intense conversation into an opportunity to seek advice. The person you’re talking to may try to press the issue, but if you commit to being unshaken, they will see that and back off.
Emotional Growth & Development is Important Too
We talk about personal and professional growth, but emotional growth and development is equally important. Learning how to master your emotions, your thoughts, and your reactions to certain situations is the holy grail. A high IQ is important, but a high EQ is even more important and actually quite rare. Think about it this way:
When you are able to combat hate and anger with love and empathy, you WIN EVERY DAMN TIME! I’ll say it again for the peeps in the back,
“When you are able to combat hate and anger with love and empathy, you win every damn time!”
So go out there today and start practicing this art. Watch it change your life!