An Avant Garde Productivity & Lifestyle Design Blog, written for unconventional coaches, corporate climbers & service-based entrepreneurs.
2. Mental Well-being
5. Quality of Life
6. Health & Fitness
7. Emotional Well-being
8. Spiritual Well-being
9. Intimate Relationship
10. Platonic Relationships
12. Personal Finances
✓ Create a S.M.A.R.T. Goal for each one.
Test the Goal against the 4P’s checklist:
1. Present Tense
✓ Identify an accountability partner who cares enough to keep you in check.
✓ Own the goal by creating a gratitude statement for each one.
✓ Never go a day without reciting the gratitude statements and taking at least one step towards one of your goals.
Do this sis, do it to a proverbial “T” and I promise you will WIN.
When you’re done taking action, share these three secrets with everyone you know and love so we all can be out here living our absolute best, most fabulous lives-Please & Thank You!
Did you approach the new year armed with a list of bad habits to kick?
I know I did! Because here’s the truth sis,
We stay setting new goals and telling the world about all the new habits we plan to develop, but what about the shit we do that we need to STOP doing.
Most people don’t make goals to STOP doing things. They make goals to start doing things. It’s hard to add new healthy habits, when our current habits are so contradictory to what we want to achieve.
I’ve come to this realization,
In order for me to design my best life and become my best self, I have to focus on reprogramming my current thoughts and habits. There are multiple ways to do this, but I’ve decided that eliminating my bad habits will be the first step in the process.
So, without further ado, I am screaming “Bye Felicia!” to the following habits:
Listen, the world can be a mean place as is, I don’t need to troll myself when I know there are plenty of people waiting to do it for me. Right? I’m entering into a space where people are criticized and attacked for trying to help others. Once I hit a certain level in my business, the negativity, trolls, and criticism will flood in-no doubt about it. Knowing this, I have decided to no longer act as a troll to myself. I will give myself grace. I will be kind to myself and I will treat my mistakes as lessons learned the hard way.
I ain’t got time, sis. Do you know how exhausting it is to set expectations upon someone you have ZERO control over?
I have spent hours, days, sometimes even weeks being disappointed or upset about someone not meeting or exceeding the expectations I had set for them. I set myself up for let down after let down, because I expected or assumed that someone would act a certain way or treat me a certain way.
That person is not me.
That person has their own unique perspective, priorities, circumstances, etc. that will affect the way they perceive a certain situation.
It’s not fair for me to “predict” how they will act under any circumstance. The key to my happiness in 2020 will lie in my INABILITY to set expectations on anything or anyone. PERIOD.
Realizing that I keep promises to everyone BUT myself was a hard pill to swallow. I had to take a moment to digest that. How sway!? How can I prioritize the promises I’ve made to other people over the promises I’ve made to myself? Am I not the most important person in my life? Should I not be filling my cup before pouring it into others? Years and years of wondering why my confidence always suffered at every stage of my life and I discover the answer hidden in a one-hour podcast with Ed Mylett and The Skinny Confidential.
“People who lack self-confidence break promises to themselves OFTEN.” -Ed Mylett
It was like a punch in the gut! He attacked my entire being HAHA! I laugh, but it was not funny to realize that no one was responsible for my low ass self-esteem but mySELF! Ahhhh…so THAT’s why they call it SELF-esteem. Smh. Got it. Noted! I can’t be a true woman of my word if my word is no good to myself, the #1 person in my life.
GONE are the days of me vying for the attention of people I don’t even like, people that don’t even like me! Self-esteem must have been low to subject myself to spending time, money, and energy on people who didn’t deserve it. I have no idea what I was thinking. That’s time I’ll never replenish wasted on someone that I knew was seasonal. How many times have you done that? No more in 2020 honey. Time is a precious non-replenishable commodity that I intend to spend much more wisely moving forward.
See, this is why feedback is so important! I would have never known I was doing this had I not paid attention to the feedback I’d received from others. I had to ask myself why in the world I would feel the need to dim my light so others could shine. Stars all shine bright at the same time. I bet they don’t shine less so the stars around them can shine brighter. That would be ridiculous. They can all shine bright in the space they occupy. So, why did I feel like I couldn’t shine when surrounded by other stars?
Well, I think it stems from years of being told I’m too bold, I’m too much, I crave attention, I need to “tone it down” a little. After years of hearing this, I began to hold back a little, allow others to shine, ask more questions, redirect conversations that were starting to become too much about me onto the person asking. I don’t regret this, because it has taught me how to be a better listener and I’ve definitely become a little humbler, but moving forward, I see no reason to censor who I am.
There’s always room in a balanced two-way conversation or interaction for everyone involved to shine.
I didn’t come to the aforementioned realizations on my own. No, I was blind to a lot of things. The personal 360-degree review that I did brought many of these issues to light.
Some of you are wondering,
“What the hell is a 360-degree review?”
In a traditional sense, it’s a review used by companies that include feedback from your peers, your subordinates, your boss, your boss’s boss, your customers, and you. Everyone has to weigh in on your performance from their perspective with the hope that it will give you a complete and comprehensive picture of how you’re showing up at work.
I learned about this kind of review and it immediately occurred to me that I could complete my own non-work-related 360-degree review to get a better sense of who I am and the steps I need to take to improve my life.
You can conduct your own 360-degree review by asking friends, family members, co-workers, classmates, your children, and yourself a series of questions related to how you show up in their life and how they perceive you. You’d be surprised what each person has to say. Be open to constructive feedback and take action where necessary.
This is one of the best ways to identify quirks and bad habits. Just be sure to ask people who respect you. The opinions of haters don’t count or matter. Self-Awareness is like currency. Go out there and cultivate. Never stop.
“It was my best friend’s birthday so of course, I had to have a slice of the cake.”
“My kids wore me out, so I had no energy for the gym.”
“I had to work overtime, so I had no time to work on my side hustle.”
EXCUSES, EXCUSES FOLKS.
When I was pledging the prestigious sorority of Delta Sigma Theta, we were tasked with reciting the following every time we fixed our lips to utter an excuse,
“Excuses are tools of the weak and incompetent, that build bridges to nowhere and monuments of nothingness, and those who specialize in them, seldom amount to anything. Therefore, we do not use excuses.”
I’ll tell you I got so obnoxious with it that every time my mom gave me an excuse for anything, I would start reciting Excuses, and every time she would slap me upside my head, but that’s what happens when you brainwash yourself with the RIGHT mantras.
They become a part of who you are.
I say all that to say, stop making excuses and start acting in accordance with your goals.
“Well, I already had that Snickers bar, might as well just have this whole plate of pasta since I’ve already broken my diet.”
“It’s Thursday, I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. Might as well start over from scratch next week.”
When I write it out like that it sounds ridiculous, right? Okay, you slipped up.
That doesn’t mean you have to let it affect the entire week. Just get back on that horse and ride!
Oftentimes, this is a sign that the goal we’ve set is really not as important to us as we thought.
You may even want to rethink your “why” at this stage.
“I want to lose 20 lbs. in one week like this girl I saw on Instagram.”
“I want to start an online business and make millions in the next six months because that guy on YouTube did it and his idea wasn’t even that great.”
There’s this thing called S.M.A.R.T. goals. It’s an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. Every time you set a goal; you should make sure it fits the aforementioned guidelines. Let’s take a very common goal for example,
“I want to be rich by the time I’m 30.”
No. “Rich” can mean one thing to you and something entirely different to someone else. So, it is important to define what “rich” means in this context.
No. We don’t even know what “rich” means so how can we measure if we’re close to achieving it?
I’m sure it would be achievable if we knew what it meant.
I’m sure it is realistic, but again, we have no clear idea of what this person means by “rich”.
Yes. We know this person wants to achieve this goal by the time they’re 30, but even that could be more specific. Do you mean by your 30th birthday? How old are you now? How much time have you given yourself in years, months, days, hours? There’s always room to be more specific. So, how do we make this goal SMART?
We can say,
“I am 27 years old. By my 30th birthday, I want to have a $300,000 investment portfolio made up of stocks and bonds in a combination of retirement and personal investment accounts.”
Now this, my friends, is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely!
“I want to read 52 personal and professional development books by the end of 2020.
Okay, okay, this is a much better goal in terms of it being specific, measurable achievable, realistic, and timely, BUT it’s a big goal. It can be overwhelming to think about it this way daily, so maybe you should break it down a bit. For example,
You can commit to reading 4 to 5 books a month, depending on the length. You can break it down even further by saying you’ll commit to reading one book per week. That’s a little less intimidating, right?
Well, let’s say you have a week that’s slammed. Do you throw the whole goal away? No. You improvise.
Instead of reading the book cover-to-cover, you download an app like Blinkist that summarizes the book you intended to read in 15 minutes. Obviously, you shouldn’t resort to this for every book, but it’s another way to stay on track.
How many times have you made goals, said them out loud, told someone about them, but neglected to actually write them down on paper (or type them up)?
This is a huge mistake and here’s why…
Research has proven time and time again the power of writing down your goals. Sarah, the founder of the Power to Reinvent wrote a really nice article entitled: Why You Need to be Writing Down Your Goals
Check out this very ugly vision board I made three years ago:
It may be ugly and unorganized, but I can tell you that about 80% of the goals represented on that board have come to fruition. How crazy is that? It works folks.
Setting goals we have no confidence in actually achieving is the single greatest way to sabotage your goal. If you don’t believe you can achieve it, why should the universe? If you don’t believe you have what it takes, it will become obvious.
Remember, there is power in words, in action, and in your intentions. The universe can smell a fraud from a mile away.
You can’t set a goal and then just pray for divine intervention before taking action!
That’s like asking God for a car, but you don’t even have a license and you don’t know how to drive.
That’s not how life works.
My point is to stop sabotaging your own goals. Stop getting in the way of your own progress. Yourself has enough roadblocks to navigate. She doesn’t need any more self-inflicted obstacles. If you’re ready to move out of your own way and stop sabotaging your goals and productivity, I know exactly where you can start!
After facilitating over 200+ breakthroughs with course creators and hosting luxe VIP Day experiences with entrepreneurs at the top of their game, I was able to create a system that hits all the right spots for someone like you striving to build a profitable, productive, and unconventional business.
My clients are reclaiming their time, energy, and attention, designing unique business models that fit their ideal lifestyle, and creating signature systems that get their clients results, ditching programs and toxic thought patterns that no longer serve them, and finally enjoying the entrepreneurial journey.
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