5 Habits I’m Saying “Bye Felicia” to in 2021
Did you approach the new year armed with a list of bad habits to kick?
I know I did! Because here’s the truth sis,
We stay setting new goals and telling the world about all the new habits we plan to develop, but what about the shit we do that we need to STOP doing.
Most people don’t make goals to STOP doing things. They make goals to start doing things. It’s hard to add new healthy habits, when our current habits are so contradictory to what we want to achieve.
I’ve come to this realization,
In order for me to design my best life and become my best self, I have to focus on reprogramming my current thoughts and habits. There are multiple ways to do this, but I’ve decided that eliminating my bad habits will be the first step in the process.
So, without further ado, I am screaming “Bye Felicia!” to the following habits:
1. BEING MEAN TO MYSELF (BYE!!!)
Listen, the world can be a mean place as is, I don’t need to troll myself when I know there are plenty of people waiting to do it for me. Right? I’m entering into a space where people are criticized and attacked for trying to help others. Once I hit a certain level in my business, the negativity, trolls, and criticism will flood in-no doubt about it. Knowing this, I have decided to no longer act as a troll to myself. I will give myself grace. I will be kind to myself and I will treat my mistakes as lessons learned the hard way.
2. HAVING EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS (BYE FELICIA!!!)
I ain’t got time, sis. Do you know how exhausting it is to set expectations upon someone you have ZERO control over?
I have spent hours, days, sometimes even weeks being disappointed or upset about someone not meeting or exceeding the expectations I had set for them. I set myself up for let down after let down, because I expected or assumed that someone would act a certain way or treat me a certain way.
That person is not me.
That person has their own unique perspective, priorities, circumstances, etc. that will affect the way they perceive a certain situation.
It’s not fair for me to “predict” how they will act under any circumstance. The key to my happiness in 2020 will lie in my INABILITY to set expectations on anything or anyone. PERIOD.
3. BREAKING PROMISES TO MYSELF (BYE A MILLION TIMES FELICIA!!)
Realizing that I keep promises to everyone BUT myself was a hard pill to swallow. I had to take a moment to digest that. How sway!? How can I prioritize the promises I’ve made to other people over the promises I’ve made to myself? Am I not the most important person in my life? Should I not be filling my cup before pouring it into others? Years and years of wondering why my confidence always suffered at every stage of my life and I discover the answer hidden in a one-hour podcast with Ed Mylett and The Skinny Confidential.
“People who lack self-confidence break promises to themselves OFTEN.” -Ed Mylett
It was like a punch in the gut! He attacked my entire being HAHA! I laugh, but it was not funny to realize that no one was responsible for my low ass self-esteem but mySELF! Ahhhh…so THAT’s why they call it SELF-esteem. Smh. Got it. Noted! I can’t be a true woman of my word if my word is no good to myself, the #1 person in my life.
4. BEFRIENDING PEOPLE I DON’T LIKE (BYE CHILE!!!)
GONE are the days of me vying for the attention of people I don’t even like, people that don’t even like me! Self-esteem must have been low to subject myself to spending time, money, and energy on people who didn’t deserve it. I have no idea what I was thinking. That’s time I’ll never replenish wasted on someone that I knew was seasonal. How many times have you done that? No more in 2020 honey. Time is a precious non-replenishable commodity that I intend to spend much more wisely moving forward.
5. DIMMING MY LIGHT AROUND OTHERS
See, this is why feedback is so important! I would have never known I was doing this had I not paid attention to the feedback I’d received from others. I had to ask myself why in the world I would feel the need to dim my light so others could shine. Stars all shine bright at the same time. I bet they don’t shine less so the stars around them can shine brighter. That would be ridiculous. They can all shine bright in the space they occupy. So, why did I feel like I couldn’t shine when surrounded by other stars?
Well, I think it stems from years of being told I’m too bold, I’m too much, I crave attention, I need to “tone it down” a little. After years of hearing this, I began to hold back a little, allow others to shine, ask more questions, redirect conversations that were starting to become too much about me onto the person asking. I don’t regret this, because it has taught me how to be a better listener and I’ve definitely become a little humbler, but moving forward, I see no reason to censor who I am.
There’s always room in a balanced two-way conversation or interaction for everyone involved to shine.
I didn’t come to the aforementioned realizations on my own. No, I was blind to a lot of things. The personal 360-degree review that I did brought many of these issues to light.
Some of you are wondering,
“What the hell is a 360-degree review?”
In a traditional sense, it’s a review used by companies that include feedback from your peers, your subordinates, your boss, your boss’s boss, your customers, and you. Everyone has to weigh in on your performance from their perspective with the hope that it will give you a complete and comprehensive picture of how you’re showing up at work.
I learned about this kind of review and it immediately occurred to me that I could complete my own non-work-related 360-degree review to get a better sense of who I am and the steps I need to take to improve my life.
You can conduct your own 360-degree review by asking friends, family members, co-workers, classmates, your children, and yourself a series of questions related to how you show up in their life and how they perceive you. You’d be surprised what each person has to say. Be open to constructive feedback and take action where necessary.
This is one of the best ways to identify quirks and bad habits. Just be sure to ask people who respect you. The opinions of haters don’t count or matter. Self-Awareness is like currency. Go out there and cultivate. Never stop.