“Throw the whole business away, sis!”

Yup, that’s what I yell at Taneeka, my Design Strategist & Personal Assistant, at least once a month, two to three weeks in. Like, I just can’t!

If you’re an entrepreneur reading this, can you relate? It’s like clockwork! The feeling just takes over my mind, body, and spirit and at that moment I’m ready to abandon all ambitions, pack my bags, and relocate to the sunny beaches of Malta with my husband and sip pina coladas, while working on my tan.

For a moment, I am READY and no one can tell me otherwise.

Of course, Taneeka or my husband sees it coming, as they  do every month, and at this point they hit me with the monotone response like,

“Oh, so it’s that time of the month again, huh?”

Annoyed! I’m yelling at them how serious I am.  I’d go so far as to offer Teeke a severance package. LMAO. I’m so friggin dramatic. She just calls in Ilya and he brings a mimosa or glass wine and says,

“Baby, you can’t quit. You have women who need your help.”

In his innocent, loving, supportive voice, and gradually I come back to reality remembering my big WHY and my purpose for this season of life.

The feeling lingers a little while longer until I read something, hear something, or think of something, that sparks my creative senses and then I’m back at it, grinding away. Whew! The drama of it all!

A rollercoaster is literally the best way to describe it. Had I known it would be this damn hard, I probably would have never embarked on the journey in the first place, but here I am.

When things are good, they’re really, really good!

☻ Ideas are flowing, content is endless, gems are dropped and recorded, lives are changing, and life feels GRAND.

☻ A client will send me a message profusely thanking me for a breakthrough.

☻ I’ll hear one sentence on a business podcast I’m listening to that sends me into a creative frenzy.

☻ I’ll receive a DM from someone who’s been following me “silently” revealing that my consistency and content have changed the trajectory of their life.

☻ I’ll have a conversation with a friend where they’ll affirm that I am walking in my purpose.

☻ I’ll have a post that gets crazy engagement reaffirming that I’m not speaking to an empty auditorium.

☻ A podcast host will express excitement to have me on their show.

☻ My coach will express how inspired she is by my work ethic and ambition.

When things are bad, they’re really, really bad!

☹ Ideas are non-existent, content is at a stalemate, and gems are as rare as an Afghan Ruby in a South Dakota Jewelry store.

☹ My brain freezes and it feels like I’ve lost every creative atom in my body. I can barely articulate a complete intelligent thought.

☹ New clients seem out of reach, organization and routines fall by the wayside.

☹ Social media accounts feel like a wasteland and everyone is seemingly thriving EXCEPT me.

☹ The conversations with friends cease because I don’t want them to see or hear me all bent out of shape like this. After all, how would that look? The Productivity and Lifestyle Design Strategist (and gratitude enthusiast) are having a gloomy day! Oh poor her.

☹ Then my coach comes along granting me permission to rest and chill, I take it, yet beat myself up for it, completely negating any good the break could have done.

Yup….when it’s down, it’s really down…
But nothing bad lasts forever either…

I’ve made peace with the inevitable ebs and flow of this entrepreneurial journey.

If I feel down, I feel down! I honor that feeling. If I feel creative and productive, I honor that too. I take full advantage of my “Ups” so when the “Downs” come knocking I don’t feel as bad about marinating in my temporary misery for a day or two. I know not to sit in my setback too long though. There’s work to do, lives to change, mouths to feed. I honor every part of the process.

Screw the toxic positivity we have been conditioned to spew in lieu of actually feeling anything negative.

Nope, I’m human, not a robot. The difference is I give myself the space to have an occasional dip, but I pick myself right back up a day or two later. I am fully aware that this is not the case for some and it may take others a lot longer to ease themselves out of a setback, but this is MY process and I honor it.

My hope is that by sharing my experience, you’ll grant yourself permission to embrace your journey in its entirety: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I hope you’ll do so UNAPOLOGETICALLY. We are living, breathing, feeling beings. Lean into it and allow it to free you. This is why I highly recommend joining mastermind communities. It can be your safe space to share the not-so-pretty aspects of the entrepreneurial journey with people who get it on a visceral level.